Monday, September 19, 2016

Enjoying Life Throughout the Ups and Downs

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! I truly did.
Ryan and my Date Day yesterday,
complete with a Banana Split!
It was the most relaxing weekends I have had in a while, and I had quite a bit of time to reflect on what gives me happiness and satisfaction.

I started reading The Energy Bus and it has really caused me to think about negativity. I really try to be an optimistic person. As I stated in my last post, I wasn't always this way, but I slowly began changing my negative thoughts into positive ones and eventually it changed my perspective on everything. That being said, I really think that I have some room for improvement. It is time to start putting others first and it is time to stop stressing about the things that are out of my control. I also need to make more goals and have more of a vision, in order to steer my bus in the right direction.

I haven't been able to sleep very well for a few weeks, just tossing and turning and worrying about all the things I need to get done and worrying that I will not be able to complete everything, or I will disappoint others with my work or they will feel like they wasted money by investing in me... I worry about not having time to relax and about relaxing too much, and lately I have been worried about worrying. It is ridiculous. I have no idea when I got back into this spiral of negative thinking, and it is not always there, but it seems to want to keep me company at night, when I am at my most vulnerable.
Right on the edge of sleep, I have a anxiety filled thought that zaps me awake, and I lay there, exhausted and stressed, with thoughts of potential failure jumping through my mind like the sheep I can never seem to concentrate on counting.
Yes, I know I am not the only one that struggles with this, but it just seems like I've gotten so far with eliminating my negative thoughts and I feel so disappointed that I may be recessing back into this spiral of negativity, which makes me more negative. The constant migraines aren't helping, but I'm sure the stress isn't helping the constant migraines either.

But here is the thing. I can change. I have done it before many times, and I can do it again.
First, I will start by stopping myself from complaining more. I will stop from beating myself up about having these negative thoughts. I will also surround myself with more positivity. This weekend was so wonderful because it was filled with loved ones, and that is exactly what I need to make priority.
It is easy to forget and put pleasure as the last thing on the priority list, but it is necessary to make it one of the most important things on that list. It is the motivation that keeps the ride fueled.
I will also express my gratitude more frequently. I will start now.

My handsome man

My mother
I am grateful for...
My friends
My wonderful family
My best friend
My puppy
My beautiful grandmother
My adventures
Journey on, my friends, and stay forever grateful and positive. 

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